Sunday football still puts Clydesdales on the TV. Radar caught the original Budweiser 9/11 “Respect” ad pulling 21.5K views this weekend. Nostalgia is a great commercial. It is not a scorecard.
We walked the American beer aisle the way we walk every category on BuyWokeFree: household names first, receipts attached, then whoever is still standing. Most of what you can grab in a gas-station cooler is not woke-free. After the wipeout, one family lager still scores a clean 0/100.
How this wipeout works
We do not grade vibes, Super Bowl spots, or “they seem normal now.” We grade scored brands. If a name sits in Non-Woke Brewing Brands or the wider alcoholic beverage map, it has a number. High scorers get cut. A 2025 policy rename gets a footnote, not a pardon. The last brand standing has to be a product you can actually buy.
This is not a shopping list of six “picks.” It is an elimination. Start with the loudest scores. End with the zero.
First cut: Modelo at 90
Modelo is the easiest first cut on the shelf. Our published score is 90/100 — extremely woke — because the U.S. rights sit with Constellation. The card itself flags that 90 as overstated pending a re-rate after Constellation’s April 2025 trim. Until the number moves, the aisle still shows 90. Shoppers do not buy a footnote. They buy a can with a score attached.
AB InBev still scores 70 — Clydesdales included
Anheuser-Busch InBev is in content review at 70/100. The 2023 Bud Light campaign with Dylan Mulvaney is the receipt everyone remembers. The scorecard underneath it is the part people skip: a perfect-era HRC Corporate Equality Index, a Global DEI Council chaired at the top, ESG reporting that did not vanish when the ads got quieter.
U.S. Pride sponsorships did get pulled in 2025 — St. Louis Pride said a 30-year relationship ended; San Francisco Pride named AB among the dropouts. That is a real pullback. It is not a 0. A Clydesdale homage on a September Sunday does not rewind the parent score. Bud Light itself still sits at 45/100 as a published brand. The hangover is priced in. It is not a new L.
Constellation at 65: rename is not a reset
Constellation Brands — Corona, Pacifico, and the U.S. Modelo license — scores 65/100 in content review. In April 2025, Reuters reported the company scrapped formal DEI programs, renamed the DEI team “inclusive culture,” shifted supplier-diversity language toward local small businesses, and ended HRC survey participation after activist pressure. Our card still scores residual Pride-era brand associations and ESG reporting. Process changed. The number did not go to zero.
Heineken at 45: Pride is not a U.S. rumor
Heineken scores 45/100, published. The scorecard cites aggressive Pride marketing — Manchester Pride 2025, Pride Edinburgh 2026, an Amsterdam Canal Parade bottle, years of São Paulo sponsorship via Amstel — plus Brew a Better World ESG and formal DEI. There is no verified U.S. HRC CEI 100 on the card, which is the only reason it is not higher. If you want a European lager that never joined the culture war, this is not it.
The semi-finalist that still is not a zero
Molson Coors is the closest big-beer “we rolled it back” story in the database, and it is still only 10/100 in content review. In September 2024 the company ended DEI training, dropped HRC CEI participation, ceased Pride sponsorships, and removed supplier-diversity quotas after conservative pressure. ESG sustainability reporting remains. Ten is not woke-free. It is the last multinational still in the room.
Last brand standing: Yuengling at 0
Yuengling scores 0/100, published — a clean sweep across the six dimensions. No ESG report with frameworks and targets. No DEI program. No Pride sponsorship. Not on the HRC index. Political money runs right, not left. Philadelphia Gayborhood bars pulled the lager in 2016 after owner Dick Yuengling backed Donald Trump. The company said the boycott did not dent sales.
That is the opposite of a Super Bowl apology tour. America’s oldest brewery absorbed a culture-war boycott a decade ago and never built the apparatus the megabrands spent years assembling. If you want a lager that was never in the HRC horse race, this is the survivor.
The verdict
Nostalgia ads will keep running. Radar volume this week still lives in boycotts and culture-war clips, not in a new beer scandal. The aisle did not get cleaner because a Clydesdale came back. Modelo is still 90 until we re-rate it. AB InBev is still 70. Heineken is still 45. Molson Coors did the most complete big-beer rollback on our card and still is not a zero.
Yuengling is. Check the Yuengling score, then walk brewing before you fill the cooler. Scores move when the receipts move — not when the commercial does.